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Blogging is strange. On a blog, you can share whatever you want and omit what you don’t want others to know about you. You can “stage” a room to make it look perfect, while just outside the picture there’s a huge mess. (Not that I know anything about that, but just saying!)
My husband and I have a joke between us. Sometimes when there’s a mess somewhere, my husband will say, “Blog this!” Ha ha. I always tell him that no one wants to see that! But sometimes I think it’s healthy to show the “real” side of life. I know when I’ve read posts by other bloggers about how they’re going through something difficult or just sharing about their own humanness and personal struggles, I actually feel closer to them.
Every once in awhile I receive an email from a reader wanting to know how I “do it all.” They see the projects or photos I share and they assume that I must have it all together or be more organized or a better homemaker than they are.
The real truth is that I don’t do it all! There’s so much that I don’t do.
The things I share here are the things that actually got done and that I was happy with and thought it would be fun to share. But that doesn’t mean that my laundry is always caught up or that there aren’t dirty dishes soaking in the sink or a mess in the bathroom!
I’m just like you. I’ve had disappointments, discouragements, set-backs, joys, sorrows, happiness, fear, and pain. Our circumstances may not be identical, but we all experience a measure of these things in life.
One of my main desires for this blog is that you would leave here inspired and encouraged. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or inadequate or like you just can’t measure up.
For quite some time, what I’ve been longing for this blog is that there would be a sense of community and openness. And that requires some vulnerability on my part.
So today, I thought I’d share a few things that I don’t do, just as an encouragement to those of you who may be struggling and feeling discouraged.
- I don’t do our grocery shopping. My husband does it all, and he has for years. He is very good at it, he enjoys doing it, and I’m happy to let him continue. 🙂
- My husband also places and picks up our monthly Azure Standard co-op orders.
- My husband occasionally cooks, especially when he can tell I’m feeling overwhelmed (have I mentioned that I LOVE my husband?!).
- I only have five children. Some of you have housefuls of children (which I always hoped for, but that’s not my reality at this point).
- I don’t have any babies or toddlers right now. Toddlers and babies require lots of extra energy!
- My oldest daughter (age 14) makes breakfast every morning. My 12-year-old usually makes lunch. I make my lunch and my husband’s, since we have different dietary needs than our children.
- My husband works from home. We have made many sacrifices in order for him to stay at home, and there aren’t a lot of perks (insurance, paid vacation, or sick leave), but it is nice to have another adult in the house!
- I keep our meals very simple, usually rotating through the same basic recipes (I like to have a seasonal menu plan that stays the same each month–for instance, lots of salads and fresh produce in the summer, and more soups and comfort foods in the fall and winter.)
- I encourage my children to do a lot of their schoolwork independently, especially as they get older.
- I don’t usually draw, paint, crochet, etc. The only time I knit or do embroidery or cross stitch is when I’m in the van with my husband driving. Projects get completed very slowly, since this only happens about once a month.
- I don’t fold laundry. I wash it all and my daughters fold it. I have a shelf in our basement by the washer and dryer, and keep laundry baskets on the shelves. As I wash, I just put the clean clothes in the baskets on the shelves. After they’re all full, the girls have a laundry folding time in the afternoon.
- I stay home all week. We only have church one day a week (Sunday morning), and we’re not part of any other activities outside of that. We aren’t members of a homeschool co-op or any other groups that require being away from home during the week. This allows lots of time for working on projects at home.
These are just the things that came to mind that I don’t do. Some of you probably do many or all of these things yourselves or without help! Maybe you have a larger family or more outside-the-home activities. But then you might also have some advantages that I don’t have, such as household help, a regular babysitter or “day off,” or a higher income. The idea is that we all have different life circumstances that we have to deal with, and no one’s life is perfect.
Most of all, I want you to feel welcome and encouraged here!
Great post, I can really identify with this (in fact, I almost could have written it myself besides a few minor differences!) It's so true- we all have our talents and skills which can be very different yet equally as important. I also rely on my husband a lot and he is such a help. You are so blessed to have your husband home with you, this is one of our dreams as a family 🙂
So glad you stopped by, and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Hi there. I found this from In the Nursery of the Nation. I giggled when you said you don't have a houseful of children. I only have one child, and he's 13. (I got started late and I had health issues that prevented my having more). I still don't get everything done. I wish I could have had at least one more child, if not more. I enjoyed your site. I do struggle with people thinking I should have everything done since I only have one child. Yes, the messes are fewer, but most of the work is done by me since my husband is at work and I go to co op so my son can have interaction with other kids. I am gone from the house much more than I like. So don't feel bad that you don't get everything done. No one really does. It is all an allusion. –Kristin M.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Kristin! I remember when I had one child and another mother (who had 6) asked me what I could possibly have to be stressed out about since I only had one. As if life was easy because I didn't have a large number of children. She couldn't have known about the health issues my husband had, job and financial struggles, and many other issues we were dealing with. All I remember is the feeling of not being understood simply because I "only" had one child.
From that difficult time in my life, I've learned not to look at another mother and assume she must have it easier just because she has fewer (or no) children. We all have our own circumstances and struggles. And I agree with you that no one ever gets everything done! My mom has no children at home, and she says it's still difficult to get it all done! 🙂
Through the years of being blessed to know you, there are so many encouragements you have given, even before the internet came into our lives. 🙂 I have implemented several of your organizational ideas which have made me quite happy because those little things (like a school calendar for example) can make all the difference.
My kitchen is my "office" and there are days when it, as well as other parts of the house, look quite scary to say the least. I have stopped comparing myself to that "perfect homeschool mom" who has everything together every day. Posts like this one help other Mamas to feel real because we all have those days and sharing them is such a help.
Blessings to you Joy!♥
Ellen, you're such a sweet friend! ♥ I know, I used to have an ideal of the "perfect homeschool mom" in my mind…and then I found out that she doesn't exist. It's actually a relief to find out that she doesn't exist–that way I can just be myself. 🙂
I adored this ultra honest post. It's so easy to compare ourselves and find ourselves lacking.
Blessings,
Laura
who only has four children
Harvest Lane Cottage
Thank you, Laura! You're right, it is so easy to compare, and it's so damaging. Many blessings to you!
It's a tenuous balance, isn't it? Being "real" and making others feel welcome and destroying the illusion…versus airing our soiled garments and gossiping about our families? Because who really wants to hear about the disagreement I had with my husband or see my messes piled up or see my unfinished projects?
I appreciate your candor and willingness to put others at ease! The whole idea is to "consider one another in order to stir up love and good works" (Hebrews 10)…and you do that well.
Thank you so much, Cheryl!
I am just wondering how you handle staying home all the time, with no contact with other adults. I try to stay home as much as possible but some days it just gets to me! Also, could I ask what your husband does that he's able to work from home? And I think that's great that he does the grocery shopping. Does he make the list too or do you have to do that?
Hi Jenn,
I'm an introvert, so staying home is where I'm happiest. If a mom is an extrovert, I'm sure she'd probably need to find ways to see other adults occasionally. 🙂 But for me, I LOVE the solitude of my home. And I think I might be more prone to get lonely sometimes, but I get to talk to my husband many times a day, so I don't feel deprived. 🙂
My husband has several computer-related jobs he does, which enable him to do the work from home.
We keep a running grocery list on our refrigerator for things we run out of, and everyone adds to that list. Since I keep the meals simple, my husband has our basic meal plan pretty much memorized. He does buy things he finds on sale, and he likes shopping at discount grocery stores, too, so he often brings home "surprises," which varies our menu to some degree. I have made a basic menu plan to go by, though, and I did all the planning there. But it pretty much stays the same from week to week unless I have something special I want to make, and then I just add those ingredients to the list.
This post was definately an encouragement to me! 🙂 Having a baby to keep up with while we homeschool makes very little time to do anything extra. Most days I feel like we're just trying to survive. With homeschool, cooking, cleaning up after ourselves, and making sure everyone has a bath/shower, it seems like that is all we have time for in this season. I've been working on trying to let some of the housework go and my own expectations of how things should be and just enjoy my family. Thanks for sharing how you don't do it all, although I still think you're pretty awesome! 😉 ~Kristin Eason
Aww, Kristin, that's very sweet of you! I think *you* are the awesome one! Missed getting to talk to you on Sunday. I'm right there with you in trying to let some things go and being in "survival mode" much of the time–and I don't even have a baby! 🙂
I just started reading your blog through a link on Modest Mom! I enjoy your outfits…they are so cute! I just started wearing skirts daily this year and so I'm always looking for cute ideas. I homeschool THREE little boys– 8,7, and 5… so, there is a lot I don't do either 🙂
I feel very encouraged by your blog and thanking you for sharing your heart!
Leanne in Indiana
Welcome, Leanne! Thank you so much for leaving such an encouraging comment, and I hope to see you again! 🙂
So I have to laugh that you feel like you don't have a housefull of children. I feel like I have a housefull with 2 little girls! 5 would be more than a housefull for me! But bless you for sharing your reality. It's so easy with social media to think everyone else has got it figured out, everyone but me. 🙂 Oh the things the enemy gets us to believe!
I guess it's because some of my friends have ten or more! But when they were younger, yes, the house did seem pretty full. And it still does, especially on a winter day when everyone is stuck inside together for weeks!! 🙂
You're so right about how easy it is to feel like everyone else is doing it right or has everything figured out. I've felt that way many times, and yes, it's a lie from the enemy!
arrived at your blog via raising homemakers. i really like this post, thank you for sharing. I too love to get glimpses into peoples everyday routines and such, it helps to know how others do what they do. I think it is too funny that you think of five kids as "not that many" – that is awesome!! Hehe, we only have two at the moment… I think when we get to three, four or even five it might feel like a lot to us 🙂 But I know what you were trying to say 🙂 I hope to read more, I added your blog to my WordPress Reader. Blessing to you and your family!
I so appreciated your comment, Heather! You made me laugh, too, about the "only five kids" thing! I guess I feel like I have a small family since so many of my friends have many more children than we do. But, yes, on some days five does seem like a lot (especially when they were younger)! 🙂
Thanks again for stopping by and leaving an encouraging comment!
I have five kids and sometimes it seems like a lot but sometimes I feel like someone is missing, as if we should have had more. I kind of wish I had a "Caleb" but that said, more pregnancies and I would have had lifelong health issues. Five is my quiver full. Your schedule sounds a lot like mine. I let my kids do most of the cleaning, though I have to go behind and see that it's done right. My 15 yr old does most of the cooking. I say it is part of her learning process and it's mostly true….;-) At dinner I am either cooking it myself or assisting her in a recipe she has not yet mastered. I make all my own bread…in a bread machine. I stay home all week. It's all very similar.
Glad you stopped by! It's funny, but my kids fight over the cooking duties–it's their favorite "chore," and they all look forward to it! Now cleaning is another matter… 🙂