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Blogging is strange. On a blog, you can share whatever you want and omit what you don’t want others to know about you. You can “stage” a room to make it look perfect, while just outside the picture there’s a huge mess. (Not that I know anything about that, but just saying!)
My husband and I have a joke between us. Sometimes when there’s a mess somewhere, my husband will say, “Blog this!” Ha ha. I always tell him that no one wants to see that! But sometimes I think it’s healthy to show the “real” side of life. I know when I’ve read posts by other bloggers about how they’re going through something difficult or just sharing about their own humanness and personal struggles, I actually feel closer to them.
Every once in awhile I receive an email from a reader wanting to know how I “do it all.” They see the projects or photos I share and they assume that I must have it all together or be more organized or a better homemaker than they are.
The real truth is that I don’t do it all! There’s so much that I don’t do.
The things I share here are the things that actually got done and that I was happy with and thought it would be fun to share. But that doesn’t mean that my laundry is always caught up or that there aren’t dirty dishes soaking in the sink or a mess in the bathroom!
I’m just like you. I’ve had disappointments, discouragements, set-backs, joys, sorrows, happiness, fear, and pain. Our circumstances may not be identical, but we all experience a measure of these things in life.
One of my main desires for this blog is that you would leave here inspired and encouraged. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or inadequate or like you just can’t measure up.
For quite some time, what I’ve been longing for this blog is that there would be a sense of community and openness. And that requires some vulnerability on my part.
So today, I thought I’d share a few things that I don’t do, just as an encouragement to those of you who may be struggling and feeling discouraged.
- I don’t do our grocery shopping. My husband does it all, and he has for years. He is very good at it, he enjoys doing it, and I’m happy to let him continue. 🙂
- My husband also places and picks up our monthly Azure Standard co-op orders.
- My husband occasionally cooks, especially when he can tell I’m feeling overwhelmed (have I mentioned that I LOVE my husband?!).
- I only have five children. Some of you have housefuls of children (which I always hoped for, but that’s not my reality at this point).
- I don’t have any babies or toddlers right now. Toddlers and babies require lots of extra energy!
- My oldest daughter (age 14) makes breakfast every morning. My 12-year-old usually makes lunch. I make my lunch and my husband’s, since we have different dietary needs than our children.
- My husband works from home. We have made many sacrifices in order for him to stay at home, and there aren’t a lot of perks (insurance, paid vacation, or sick leave), but it is nice to have another adult in the house!
- I keep our meals very simple, usually rotating through the same basic recipes (I like to have a seasonal menu plan that stays the same each month–for instance, lots of salads and fresh produce in the summer, and more soups and comfort foods in the fall and winter.)
- I encourage my children to do a lot of their schoolwork independently, especially as they get older.
- I don’t usually draw, paint, crochet, etc. The only time I knit or do embroidery or cross stitch is when I’m in the van with my husband driving. Projects get completed very slowly, since this only happens about once a month.
- I don’t fold laundry. I wash it all and my daughters fold it. I have a shelf in our basement by the washer and dryer, and keep laundry baskets on the shelves. As I wash, I just put the clean clothes in the baskets on the shelves. After they’re all full, the girls have a laundry folding time in the afternoon.
- I stay home all week. We only have church one day a week (Sunday morning), and we’re not part of any other activities outside of that. We aren’t members of a homeschool co-op or any other groups that require being away from home during the week. This allows lots of time for working on projects at home.
These are just the things that came to mind that I don’t do. Some of you probably do many or all of these things yourselves or without help! Maybe you have a larger family or more outside-the-home activities. But then you might also have some advantages that I don’t have, such as household help, a regular babysitter or “day off,” or a higher income. The idea is that we all have different life circumstances that we have to deal with, and no one’s life is perfect.
Most of all, I want you to feel welcome and encouraged here!
Stopping by via the Encourage One Another link up. I've been married for a little over a year and we plan to wait at least a little longer before kids, but may I just say thank you for your words today — I feel God has been giving me some insight lately into motherhood and removing some potential sources of guilt even before that season of life. Your post reminds me the importance of being content where God has us.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Kelly! Oh, yes, we all need to remember to be thankful and content, right where God has us. Thank you so much for sharing such encouragement!
I love this article, I kinda was starting to feel weird! I have 5 children and one on the way and I try not to go anywhere! My friend always want me to come over during the day ( they have less children) and I am like sorry I have laundry or the kitchen duties etc. They think I am nuts! It is encouraging to see that I am not weird, also my children do A LOT of house work although I am right around the corner or on my way to come and help or teaching and training the little ones:) So they are very pleased to help me thank you again, I think you handled this topic very gracefully:) Blessings to you and your family.
We sound very similar! Thanks so much for your sweet words! 🙂
Thanks for the reminder about priorities and comparisons. The ideal is such a lovely…well, ideal! Sometimes it is hard to remember that we are seldom able to maintain that "ideal" in real life (at least not long enough for the sink or laundry basket to stay empty!). I agree with the lady who commented on the "rustic and homey" look of your pile of dishes! Bless you for sharing your reality….it has made my own a bit less daunting for today.
Thank you, Sherry! Your comment about my dishes made me laugh–they're anything but "rustic and homey" in real life! 🙂
I have to admit that I do find it encouraging when other moms who seem to have it all together admit that they don't 🙂 That's not easy to admit sometimes, but I'm thankful that you did! I went through a season of depression where I felt I just couldn't measure up to all the other moms I knew who seemed like they were doing a way better job than I could ever do. Then I got to know some of them a little better and found out that they are struggling with a lot of the same things I am! Even more surprising was to find out that when they looked at my life, they thought I was better than them at certain things! It was an eye-opening experience for me, and it helped me A LOT to see that I wasn't alone in my imperfections, and that in reality, I was doing better than I thought I was 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this encouraging comment, Missy! It's so easy for us to compare ourselves with others. I've done it, too. And all it does is make me feel bad. 🙂 I think if we could all see into the lives of other women, we'd find that we all have struggles, just like you said. And how much better it is when we can encourage each other, rather than comparing or judging! Many blessings to you!
Thank you very much for this post. I haven't been following for long, but have definitely felt warmth & welcoming from you! Even so, it is almost a breath of fresh air to be reminded that you are only human, just like me. I can relate in that I "only" have four children and sometimes feel like I don't have a houseful either, since I grew up in a family of nine. Having said that, I still feel like I'm going crazy most days with what I'm NOT getting done (though, my wonderful hubby reminds me of how much I DO get done often). I may only have four children, but they are ages 5, 4, 3, and 7 months…..yeah, it is a messy, fun time in our lives right now! 🙂
Anyway, my compliments to your photo of dishes in the sink! Love how someone else's pile of dirty dishes looks somehow rustic and homey, when mine just looks like a mess! 😀
Blessings to your family!
Thanks, Karilynn! Yes, I'm only human too! And four children that are 5,4,3, and 7 months is a super-busy time! I'm sure they'll love growing up together. 🙂 And I can assure you that my dirty dishes look just like a mess in person! 🙂 Blessings to you!
I really enjoyed your post! Thank you for writing it. I had to smile at the remark about five kids. I grew up the middle of five and it didn't seem like a full house. It was normal for us. When we my youngest brother and sister were in elementary school my mom got a huge surprise and our five became seven. 🙂 My husband and I are expecting our fourth late spring and are currently shopping for a van… And I now understand why our mom always sent us outside during the warm days so she could get some housework done. 🙂 Keep up the good work!
Thank you, Kristi! Congratulations on your fourth little one! And yes, I've also sent my kids outside on warm days so I could work in peace! 🙂
I have shared a similar list with the new homeschool moms I mentor each year – the Things I Do and the Things I Don't Do. It is a great reminder that each of us has different priorities, different tolerances, different callings on our lives, different seasons….. I homeschool, I mentor, I bake cupcakes, I chair the homeschool prom, I lead a geography club, etc. etc. but I don't teach Sunday school, I don't have small children in the house any more ( in fact I'm down to one teenager), I am not taking care of aging or ill family members, I do not garden, etc. etc.
Yes! The point you made is the point I was hoping to make. As you said, "each of us has different priorities, different tolerances, different callings on our lives, different seasons…" I love that! Thanks so much for sharing.
I found you through the Modest Mom, and I so enjoyed reading this post! The picture of the piled up sink had me! 🙂 Mine looks the same way right now, well actually all the time it seems! I also relate to staying home all week. I do get out occasionally, but I actually like being home everyday. I appreciate you sharing "real-life" with us. I'm not sure how you do it with 5 kids…I only have 3 (all boys) and they keep me busy! 🙂 Blessings to your family!
So glad to meet you, Cassie! Yes, the piled up sink is a familiar sight around here, especially when we're doing a lot of cooking! 🙂 Things used to be harder, but now that my kids are getting older, there's a lot that I don't do since we all share the workload! Blessings to your family also!
I am very much an introvert, but Im also a single mom of three, and I long to live your life.lol I would love to leave my home once a week and chose who I have to have contact with every day! I homeschool two of my kids, and the oldest attends public high school. If I had things my way, all 3 would be homeschooled on our farm ten miles from town, and dads would never leave. I admire you!! So glad i found your page. <3 You family sounds lovely!
I admire you for all the hard work you do as a single mom! Many blessings to you as you serve your family! ♥
I totally love this post! I admit, I do a lot. But I also have a great husband who helps me. We also empower our kids to take care of the home so I virtually only cook, but don't have to do dishes, clean the bathrooms, do yard work. I work in the day, come home do homeschooling, prep dinner (either crockpot or oven cooked) then my husband takes over any left over schooling (most all done by DVD or online interactive teaching methods). My house isn't clean Tue-Sat, but you know what? We are happy. Just like you. Again, great post 😀
Wow, Nita, it does sound like you are super-busy! But it also sounds like you have a wonderful husband and a great system in place! Thanks so much for your kind words!