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November 5, 2016 by Joy Kincaid 8 Comments

Mothering Wisdom Learned the Hard Way

Whatever mothering wisdom I have has been learned the hard way. There are definitely things I would have done differently, and (thankfully!) there are also some things I feel like I did right. Things I wouldn’t have changed. Motherhood isn’t easy, and we all need to give ourselves (and other moms) lots of grace.

mothering wisdom

I’ve been a mother for seventeen years now, which is long enough to have made plenty of mistakes (and I have!) and also lots of happy memories (thankful that I have these!).

Everything I know about motherhood came the hard way—through trial and error. I feel I’ve gained some mothering wisdom simply from the advantage of looking back on all the mistakes I’ve made. 🙂

Mothering Wisdom

You can learn from my mistakes!

Recently, a reader sent me the following question: “As you’ve gone through your homemaking and mothering journey, is there anything you would have done differently? What are some things you wouldn’t have changed?”

That was a great question, and there are definitely some things I would have done differently if I could go back and do it all over again.

What I Would Have Changed

If I could go back and start over, here are a couple of things I would do differently:

1. Trust God More

God loves my children so much more than I ever could. And despite knowing this in my heart, so often I would feel like it was all up to me. Whenever I didn’t perform the way I thought a “good mother” should, I would feel an overwhelming feeling of guilt and failure.

I think many mothers place such a high standard of perfection on themselves that it’s easy to get discouraged.

We can’t live up to those standards of perfection. Of course we should aim high. We should “die to ourselves,” as we serve our husbands and children.

But we need to give ourselves grace.

When we’re placing all the expectation on ourselves, trying to live up to our own ideals, the burden can get pretty heavy. If we’re not careful, we can crumble and fall under that burden.

God wants us to rely on Him and His strength to help us in our mothering journey. He wants us to bring those questions, concerns, and difficulties to Him in prayer. He wants to give us the grace to carry out this calling and to do it well!

We won’t do it perfectly. That’s an impossible standard to live under. We will make mistakes.

If we trust God with our children’s lives and hearts, if we look to Him for the strength to be godly mothers, He will hear and answer that cry of our hearts.

2. Go to God in Prayer and Read His Word First

So often in my mothering journey, I’ve been desperate. Desperate for help and answers. And I felt like I needed those answers NOW.

In my rush to get my questions answered, I would often turn to books, friends, or Google before I would remember to get out my Bible, search the Scriptures, and pray.

I wish I would have always remembered to turn to the Lord first. Before looking in books or asking friends.

In all these years of mothering, I know that the main source of my strength is Jesus Christ.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  ~Philippians 4:13

As I stay close to Him, I have the strength and ability to be the mom I want to be.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  ~John 15:5

So, if I could go back and do it all over again, those are the two main things I would have changed.

mothering wisdom

What I Wouldn’t Have Changed

Oh, yes, I’ve made mistakes. (Just ask my teenagers! 🙂 ) But I also have some very happy memories of mothering these five beautiful people we’ve been blessed with.

Here are a few of those happy things:

1. Thoroughly Enjoying My Babies and Toddlers

When I look back, I know I spent tons of time with each of my babies. I co-slept with them, carried them in slings and in my arms, rocked them, nursed them when they wanted to be nursed, and just spent hours and hours holding them, carrying them, and loving on them.

I have no regrets for how I raised my little ones. And for that I am grateful.

2. Being a Full-Time At-Home Mom

I’m so glad I decided to stay at home with my children. We have had many financial struggles as a result of having a small income, but it was all worth it. I’m thankful for the blessing of being at home with them.

3. Spending Hours Reading Aloud

Reading aloud is something we started when our oldest child was just a baby. All of those hours of looking at picture books together, then graduating to chapter books, and now sharing classic stories together…it all makes for many happy family memories.

It’s All About Relationships

As I look back on my mothering journey—seventeen years of life with these five special people who I love dearly—I see that all of the happy memories I have, and the things I don’t regret, all have to do with investing in relationships.

The regrets I have all stem from the times when I chose productivity, efficiency, or self over relationship.

The time that you spend investing in your children’s lives and making happy family memories is time well spent. You will never regret investing in your children!

mothering wisdom

Related Posts:

  • 10 Things I Love About Motherhood (+ a free printable!)
  • What Elisabeth Elliot Taught Me About Motherhood
  • Advice for Younger Moms

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Comments

  1. Erin says

    November 13, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    Excellent post. I, too, began my life as a mom seventeen years ago. My biggest regret is how I was so tightly wound for the first years. I wish I had relaxed a bit and enjoyed the days of having a house full of little ones. What should have been the sweetest time was my tensest time.

    With only one little in the house and three teens, plus a couple in between, life is still busy but with less time together at home. I’m embracing this crazy schedule knowing that it will also be over in a blink of an eye and I will no longer have big or little kids to get to activities, sports, music lessons etc.

    Reply
    • Joy Kincaid says

      November 14, 2016 at 1:04 pm

      Thank you, Erin! Yes, I could have relaxed quite a bit more also in those early years. 🙂 I think that’s pretty common for many young moms. And, amen to embracing the season we’re in—it does go by so fast!

      Reply
  2. Donna Reidland says

    November 13, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Hi Joy! I love this post. So many moms need to hear this. I enjoyed the video, too. Thanks for linking at Mondays @ Soul Survival. I’m pinning on my Mondays … board and my parenting board. Blessings!

    Reply
    • Joy Kincaid says

      November 14, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      Thank you, Donna! And thanks for sharing! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Michele Morin says

    November 6, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    Our stories are similar — especially the part about reading aloud to my kids! The best thing is that grandchildren come along and then you get to re-visit all those wonderful books again!

    Reply
    • Joy Kincaid says

      November 6, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      Oh yes, the blessing of grandchildren! ♥ How nice to have that to look forward to! Thanks so much for stopping by, Michele!

      Reply
  4. Sara says

    November 6, 2016 at 6:43 am

    Oh Joy, thank you so much for answering my questions, your answers were SO helpful! I especially like how you said you will never regret investing in your children’s lives and making happy family memories. And it is a great reminder to put God first and turn to Him and trust in Him.
    As I’m tending to my sick family (the children all caught a yucky virus) I’m praying for strength and that I don’t catch it ☺. And I am a little curious about your time with the Amish :).
    Thanks so much Joy! Many blessings to you!!

    Reply
    • Joy Kincaid says

      November 6, 2016 at 2:04 pm

      Sara, I’m so glad it was helpful! Thank you so much for asking such great questions! 🙂 And I’m so sorry to hear that you’re also dealing with a virus. We’ve had something going around at our house, and I’m still the only one who hasn’t had it. If I don’t get it, I know it will be a miraculous gift from God! 🙂

      Blessings to you!

      Reply

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Hi, I'm Joy. I'm so glad you're here! I believe creating a beautiful and nurturing home is an art worth cultivating. Read more here...

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