Artful Homemaking

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by Joy Kincaid 22 Comments

Advice for Younger Moms: 7 Things I’ve Learned

It seems like just yesterday I was a young mom of little children, my life filled with babies, diapers, and nursery rhymes. Even though it seems like yesterday, it was actually 18 years ago that I became a mom. In this post I’m sharing some advice for younger moms, things I’ve learned through the years.
I love hearing wisdom from older moms! This post has some advice for younger moms from a mom of 18 years.
The addition of a few more gray hairs, children entering their teen years, and a recent graduation all brought the startling realization:  I am an “older woman” to some of you. As a mom who has been on this journey for quite a few years, I wanted to share some things I’ve learned.
The older women likewise…that they admonish the young women…to love their children.     ~Titus 2:3-5

Advice for Younger Moms

As an “older woman,” one of the main things I’d like to share with you is that I haven’t done it all perfectly. I’ve made mistakes. And the older I get, the more I’m aware of those mistakes.

I see things I could have done better, and oh, what I would give to go back and do some things over!

But I’ve learned some lessons I’d like to pass on to you, mothering wisdom I’ve had to learn the hard way.

1.  Look to Jesus.  

Let the fears, frustrations, and difficulties you experience drive you to Jesus.
And go to Him first.  Don’t run to friends, books, or websites before you bring your situation and concerns before the Lord in prayer.
I believe that trust in God, love for one’s children, and prayer for wisdom are a recipe for successful parenthood far more reliable than all the books and seminars in the world.  ~Elisabeth Elliot
Many times just taking this first step can calm fears, bring renewed focus and vision, and reveal answers to problems or questions we may have.

2.  Be what you want your children to be.

Don’t just tell them what the Bible says about life, live it in front of them!
It is so true that “more is caught than taught,” especially when we’re talking about children. They are like little sponges, soaking up everything we do and say.
This is easier said than done, and yet there’s no getting around it.  I’ve found that so much growth has taken place in my life as a result of taking my mothering seriously.
The coming of each new child strengthens and deepens my desire to be what I would have it become, makes my faults more odious in my eyes, and elevates my whole character. ~Elizabeth Prentiss, Stepping Heavenward

3.  Delight in your children.

Smile at them, play with them, and regularly tell them how thankful you are for them and how much you love them.
My heart’s desire is that each of my children would think of me as one of their best friends and love to be with me.
Probably the best investment you can make in your children is time. Time spent reading aloud, teaching, encouraging, discipling, and playing with your children is all time well spent.
advice for younger moms

4.  View each child as an individual.  

No two children will be exactly the same, and what works for one will not always work with them all.  Be flexible and ready to adapt to each child’s individual personality.

5.  Try to keep a balance between order and fun.

I love order.  And I also love crafting, throwing parties, and creating fun family memories.
Before having children, my house was neat and orderly all the time.  But that isn’t always the case these days!
I decided early in my mothering career that I wanted to give my children happy memories of cooking, baking, painting, crafting, and creating.  And those things can make a huge mess.
So, the challenge is to balance the creativity with order, and I’m still working on that one.  But if I have to err, I choose the creative mess over sterile orderliness.  But we’re working toward “orderly creativity!”

6.  Keep an eternal perspective.

If you’re ever tempted to feel weary or discouraged, remember that mothering your little ones is your greatest work.
Oh, that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny—she would see that in all God’s world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other hands the sacred and holy trust given to her.     ~J.R. Miller, Homemaking

7.  Enjoy these days!

Yes, I said it.  I remember what it was like to have all young children.  Sometimes the days seemed very long, and I couldn’t imagine anything different.

It seemed like they would never get old enough to stop wearing diapers and making messes.

When older, more experienced mothers would tell me to “enjoy it,” I would often feel annoyed. In my heart, I would think, “That’s easy for you to say!”

But it really is true.  The time flies, oh-so-fast.  The days may be long, but the years are short. And you can never get those days back.

Now that I find myself with three teenagers, a pre-teen, and an older child, I actually miss having toddlers and babies around. The years fly by, and they seem to grow up way too soon.

Enjoy the days with your little ones while they are still little. I promise you, one day you’ll miss it.

If you’re an older woman, what advice for younger moms would you like to pass along?

what elisabeth elliot taught me about motherhood

This post was updated in 2017.

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Comments

  1. Sarah says

    November 4, 2017 at 9:47 am

    Joy, I have 8 children, 16 down to 3. I am in the best of both worlds, enjoying the abilities of the older ones, and still in the tiring stage of precious little ones. Even as I yet again strip the sheets because of an accident, and train them in good attitudes and kind words, I am also keenly aware that these days are soooo short. I have known that since I held my first little one that I would blink and he would be grown. Yet when you are sleep deprived and can’t keep up, it is so hard to keep perspective. I sit here with the sounds of my two smallest ones playing with wooden train tracks in the other room. My others are out doing farm chores, and my home is peaceful and generally clean because of the blessing of help from my 8 and 9 yr old girls. I am delighting this year in the special times of teaching them to read, and loving it, while a bittersweet feeling constricts my heart as I think that they are probably the last I will have the joy of teaching. They do grow up so fast. Cherish the moment.

    Reply

  2. Tiffiney says

    September 22, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    Hi Joy! I so agree with every point you’ve shared here. This is definitely sage advice for young moms. I’d even say, a mini blueprint! Thanks for sharing with the imparting grace family.

    Tiffiney

    Reply

  3. [email protected] says

    September 22, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    This is such wonderful advice. I’m not a really young mom anymore (my oldest is 12) but these are things that the Lord has really been highlighting to me in the last year or two. Especially enjoying my children because these years are short. I’ve been tremendously blessed to be able to homeschool my kids and I’m loving the time that we get to spend with each other on a day to day basis. It’s really hard at times, but so worth it in the long run. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

  4. SuzyQ says

    July 24, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I really appreciate this post, especially the "look to Jesus first" part. I need to keep this in a deep place in my heart and not forget it as often as I do. Thank you 🙂

    Reply

    • Joy Kincaid says

      July 25, 2013 at 2:28 am

      SuzyQ, thank you so much for leaving this encouragement. I was writing to myself here, too…I so much need to remember each and every day to look to Jesus first! ♥

      Reply

  6. Mia De Vries says

    May 10, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    Dear Joy
    I am also at that Abe where both my sons are university students and my nest is empty!! The one thing my husband and I decided on when they were 6 months and 2,5 years old,was that I would stay at home to bring them up myself. I am a born mother and loved raising my boys. The one thing I can recommend to young mothers is to try your utmost to be a stay-at-home mom. They need us so very much when the are so small. We had very little money when I stopped working but so e way or the other our Pappa God provided on all our needs.
    Blessings
    Mia

    Reply

    • Joy Kincaid says

      July 25, 2013 at 2:24 am

      Mia, thank you so much for sharing your perspective as a mother of grown children. It was so beautiful and encouraging to read. Many blessings to you!

      Reply

  7. Gail @ http://biblelovenotes.com says

    May 10, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    This is great advice. I think #5 is the one most of us struggle with when our children are small, knowing when to show mercy and when to show justice to our children, when to relax and when to be hard-working, when to let things get messy and when to maintain order.
    I'd love to have you link up to my new blog hop: T.G.I.F. at BibleLoveNotes.com
    Thanks,
    Gail

    Reply

  9. Teresa says

    May 4, 2013 at 3:02 am

    This was a great post! As a young mother I found it very useful and encouraging. Great advice, thank you!

    Reply

  11. Wholesome Womanhood says

    May 1, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. As a young mom I truly appreciate it when those moms who have gone before me share from their wisdom and experience.

    I loved point #2. I've realized that recently. I'm teaching my children to be attentive (to look and to listen when someone is talking to them) but then I realized how often I'm not attentive to them! And as I've sought to give them my undivided attention we've had so many sweet conversations.

    I love sending my children the message that I love them and they are important by such a simple act as giving them my undivided attention.

    Reply

    • Joy Kincaid says

      May 2, 2013 at 4:25 am

      Yes, point #2 is so challenging for me, but so important!

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and taking the time to leave a comment!

      Blessings,
      Joy

      Reply

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